Martin has left the building

You may have noticed that there have been no new entries in quite a while, there is a couple reasons for this. First, I've been a bit busy, lazy, and uninspired at the same time due to the second reason. The second reason is that Martin is, unfortunately, no longer with the company, a situation that we are all trying to come to terms with. He was definitely the most entertaining person we have ever worked with and he is most definitely missed. We wish him the best.

There were a few entries that I had never got around to doing, so I will be finishing those off in the coming days... stay tuned...

Power Brakes

Martin informed us of an accident that he had this Thanksgiving weekend. Martin went somewhere in a hurry and upon returning (in a hurry) decided to shut his car off as he was pulling into the driveway before he had actually stopped. Generally power brakes don't work so well when their power supply has been cut off. As a result, Martin was unable to stop his car and coasted right into the garage door.

Pardon me...

From Martin's wife:

So, today we're at lunch, eating outside of Qdoba. Martin takes a phone call, and is doing his typical "walk around like a caged monkey while talking on the phone" bit. This guy happened to be walking on the sidewalk and passed by us. He passed by martin, and JUST as he is directly next to martin....Martin turns around w/ his back to the guy, and just lets one rip. Basically he managed to fart ON this poor guy.

I was in momentary horror (wide eyed and all), and was all "MARTIN!!"....and then I started laughing. Then he realized what he did, started laughing, got done w/ his phone call, came over to the table, and was all under his breath "didijustfartonthatguy?"

Um, yeah. NOW you're being all discreet?

That poor guy. He may have to go home and bathe now.

Intervention

After Martin's little HR incident the team decided to help him out with his hygiene issue. We all chipped in on this little gift box.

HR Violation

This one is pretty good. Today the boss had to pull Martin into his office to discuss an HR issue. Apparently, someone had made a few complaints to HR about him. At this point your probably thinking, "Oh no, Martin said something stupid too loudly", or "What did he break this time?". However, this one is a little different. The complaints that were made were about the cleanliness of his cube. Not only the appearance, but also the smell. When the boss told him, his response was, "What am I supposed to do? I can't help it if my feet stink!"

Coincidentally, Martin isn't wearing any socks today......Hmmm....

Grandma's Spittoon

A couple months back Martin went to lunch with another coworker at Subway. As they were leaving Martin forms a big loogie and spits out the window of the car. Suddenly, he yells "Oh S--t! Drive, drive!", "What happened?", "My spit just hit an old lady in the leg!"

Country and Western

Sorry for not getting anything out for some time, things have been a bit busy around the office. However, that doesn't mean that Martin hasn't kept us entertained. A few weeks back I was sitting in my cube and Martin was talking to someone in an office a couple of aisles away. In a very loud voice I hear Martin blurt out "I don't listen to Country and Western, but I'll ride me a cowgirl!". I am pretty sure half of the office heard him. Yee Haw!

Who needs sunscreen?

We apologize for not posting for so long, it's been a busy month. We are by no means out of material as Martin does something blogworthy almost everyday.

Martin went and played a round of golf this past weekend... in shorts, which he never wears (I wonder if they were cutoffs???) so his legs are very white. He apparently didn't think he needed to put on sunscreen and is now paying for it. For the first three days of the week he was limping around in pain as the contact of the burn with his pants was very painful. He developed a blister which in turn became infected and even more painful, making his already goofy looking strut into something even more cerebral palsy like. He went to the doctor to have it treated and they gave him antibiotics and a shot of demerol. He should be better soon.

Martin, they make this stuff called sunscreen.... I recommend spf75 or higher.

Something about Martin

Martin was relaying to me something he did recently to himself, that was rather embarrassing and painful at the same time. Without getting into too much detail... I'll say "Something About Mary" and "getting the beans above the frank".... The universe really has a score to settle with Martin.